31 March 2006

Suitable accommodations

Today's quiz:

If, when looking for lodgings, you read "near American Legion" in the location description, should you stay there? Yes or no? Discuss. Show your work.


Anonymous said...

I vote NO!

The last time (which WILL be the last time) I stayed at a motel near the American Legion, this was my experience:

The motel was built in the 1950s. Yellow brick, full bath, dorm refrigerator, and mismatched furniture. Touch tone phones!

It also has zebra-esque carpeting, circa 1970, that is truly threadbare, a gaudy flowered bedspread, very soft pillows, very hard mattress, and a funky odor that no amount of incense will erase.

The proprietor must have worked in Las Vegas in her younger years. She is a heavy smoker judging by her gravelly voice and the defensive response to my question about a nonsmoking room.

The bathroom is an adventure. Do your business and flush. The water does not go down. Instead it rises. And rises. And rises. HORROR! Then, with less than an inch from the rim, the water level pauses and then sloooooooowly drops down.

The television? I turned it on. ("We have cable!") My eyes needed bleach from the lesbian porn. Dominiatrix outfits, large breasts, bad makeup. They were also doing things that no self-respecting lesbian I know would do. It wasn't really lesbian anyway, just some odd men's fantasy of what that would be.

I learned (too late) that some of the "guests" are longterm residents. I'm certain they are meth dealers, although I didn't seen any guns. I met Bud, my next door neighbor. He has lots of tattoos. Not trendy Uptown Minneapolis tattoos or a cool dragon tattoo from Hong Kong. Definitely prison tattoos.

The name of this motel and the town shall remain unnamed.

PS to Sophzilla - You told me to show my work. Edit as desired.

Sophzilla said...

Thank you for your beautiful, vivid description of the northern Minnesota franchise of the Bates Motel. I hope you washed all of your clothing in hot water upon your return.

Anonymous said...

I washed them twice!

Anyone in Bates County looking for a date? Bud is single.

Heather Brewer said...

I swear I've stayed at this motel's twin in Michigan. Frightening!

I don't know what's scarier...the neighbors or the carpeting!