It's from a new book, A Field Guide to Evangelicals, which I haven't seen. I really do want to see it, primarily to review the master list of who's going to hell. The book is published by LarkNews. It's like The Onion with all religious news, like "Creepy greeter remembers everything"
SPARTANBURG When the Wilson family attended Meribel Christian Church for a second time, they expected to fly under the radar. But greeter Alice Meisner shocked them when she welcomed them all by name.OK, one more. "Hoping to speed Second Coming, some Christians invest in 'anti-christ' companies."
"She said, 'Hi Bruce, Amanda, Nick, Samantha, Ryan and baby Jeremy. How was your trip to Worlds of Fun last week?'" Bruce recalls. "We were stunned. It was like being stalked."
MANCHESTER, Mass. — Laney Thompson believes the Rapture of the church is imminent, and she is so eager to get to her heavenly abode that last week she bought 215 shares of a bio-metrics company, Lazer-I.
"The company is pure evil," she says gleefully while perusing her online trading account. Lazer-I makes equipment which scans fingerprints and eyes, which vendors have begun using in place of credit cards.