My horoscope

My horoscope from today's edition of The Onion. The best horoscope ever.

Libra: The bullet will miss your heart by several inches, which only makes sense, as it will be fired at your head.

What do the stars tell you? Find out here. RSS feed available!

Word of the day

This word of the day comes via my colleague Kelsey. Usually used in a satricial way.

Craptastic

On a completely different note, our cafeteria is serving tuna noodle casserole today. And for dinner, one of the options is Jerked Tofu.

Thursday favorite word

I've been using the word kerfuffle a lot lately. I like that it sounds like what it is: disorder, commotion.

As best as I can tell, das Brimborium would be a good German translation. Or maybe die Umstaende.

Makes me think of rugby and a couple of meetings I've been in recently.

ETAG

A couple of my friends have horrible mothers in law. Both of said friends are the nicest people you'd ever meet. A couple of work friends came up with the moniker, TAG (troll at the gate) to refer to these harridans. I prefer ETAG (evil troll at the gate).

Naming nasty people is so cathartic. At right, Viola Swamp from the children's book Miss Nelson Is Missing. The epitome of harridan.

Goodbye summer

I was entranced by these flowers in my Mom's garden. The purple leaves in the background look kind of like origami.

That's just mental

"Are storage lockers the new dude hangout?" From Iconoculture.

As a society we have way too much crap. Off-site storage is one of the fastest growing businesses in the country. The idea of hanging out at the place where I store all my extra crap -- if I was a guy that is -- I don't get that.

Caramel rolls

My Mom makes the best caramel rolls in the world. This photo makes them look like a big intestine or something. They taste much better.

Candy that I won't eat

I found this candy blood in the Halloween aisle at Walgreens. So very disgusting. My niece and nephew will love it.

The Bugle-ism. Again.

I've been catching up on The Bugle podcasts. I was listening to a Feb. 2007 episode on the way to work yesterday. Andy offered some chat-up/pick-up-line ideas to woo that special someone on Valentine's Day.

You must be a witch because I'm under your spell and I'm boiling to death in your cauldron.

Disgusting. Frightening. Hilarious

Glueckliche Fuesse!

I don't think it would be possible to not have happy feet while listening to Dove C'e Musica by Eros Ramazzotti. I don't know if 'happy feet' is translatable to German. I translated it glueckliche Fuesse but that might get me the 'what's wrong with you' look from a German speaker.

I have no idea what he's saying. He could be calling the west blue-eyed devils for all I know.

Oh ye of faint of heart, ignore this post

This is so very good. And bad. Mr. Deity is brilliant. And very, very silly.



Via Fun Size Bytes. You can subscribe to the Mr. Deity channel on YouTube.Save Now

Cure for sarcasm

I need a maximum-strength version of this drug. But I'm not sure if I want a cure.

sarcasm :

• harsh or bitter derision or irony
• a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark:

Lovely expressions

I love the expression, "chin wag." A Britishism for a light or idle chat. I am prone to like Britishisms but this one in particular strikes my fancy.

Changing the world

You don't have to be a Nobel Peace Prize nominee to change the world. Google's 10 to the 100.

• Project 10 to the 100th is a call for ideas to change the world by helping as many people as possible.
• Google has committed $10 million to make the projects happen. "Our goal is to help as many people as possible. So remember, money may provide a jumpstart, but the idea is the thing."
• Send in your idea by Oct. 20.
• Vote for the finalists beginning Jan. 27. (Sign up for a reminder to vote.)
• "May those who help the most win."

How many people use Google to search, send/receive e-mail, blog, etc.? And those millions of those people find out about this great project. And some of them submit awesome ideas to change the world. I'm overwhelmed by the coolness.

Shoes and plants

Saw these tacked onto a house in Switzerland. I love it!

I'm not just being lazy

To set the record straight -- on days I post only "Dumb Dares for the Office," I'm not just being lazy. I am also sharing joy.

I like to read the dare, close my eyes and envision myself, or John Cleese as Basil Fawlty, doing said dare.

Put someone else's name on your lunch bag then prominently display the bag while you're eating.

With everything you say all day, roll your eyes.

When someone hands you a form or an envelope, caress it and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm. Yes, I've been expecting this one."

Give a colleague an unlabeled prescription bottle filled with mints or candy, and instruct them to withhold the "pills" no matter how hard you beg.

Zwei Herzen

The new single from Klee, Zwei Herzen (Two Hearts). Love it!
Klee - Zwei Herzen

Great moments in history (the pretend version)

This one's worth a try. Ignoring or bombing each other aren't really working out. Via Hallmark magazine. (I was stuck in the doctor's office waiting room. Limited reading options.)

Great Historical Events That Never Happened:
Two world leaders agreed to settle their differences with a spelling bee.

Evolution of a nickname

One of Pele's nicknames is sack. The journey to this name went like this:

• Bill: He looks like a tube steak
• Jude: Tuber
• Me: Sack of potatoes
• Jude: Sack
  

Rock on UDHR!

Human Rights 2.0. There's a blog and a twitter feed on human rights violations and blogging. Hooray! You are so not persecuting people for speech undetected! Web speech is also protected speech, even if you don't agree.

Article 19, Universal Declaration of Human Rights:
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Take that, despots!

Committtee to Protect Bloggers blog
Committee to Protect Bloggers on Twitter

Found via a comment by Curt on Web Strategy by Jeremiah

Make-me-laugh list, episode 2

Too many posts to include in the previous make-me-laugh list. I love, love clever insults. I don't often get a chance to use them, but they're still useful as exasperation letting-outers.

• Sagface charisma vacuum. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Git wizard. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Survival of the gittest. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Dumber than a sack of hammers. The News Quiz (BBC)
• The whip-crack smart gang of chimps that look after our government. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Worst thing invented by humans since mustard gas. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR)
• Too stupid to be elected. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR)
• [Insert word] is [insert language] for 'I think the medicine is wearing off.' The News Quiz (BBC)
• It's a loathe-hate relationship. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR)
• You can put your boots in the oven but that don't make 'em bread. Southern hickism related via Kelsey (a non hick)
• Niinyhammer. Samuel Johnson
• Eye of a tiger, mouth of a teamster. Homer Simpson describing Lisa's performance as a hockey goalie
• Charles Ryder's father: You liked Miss ____?
  Charles: No
  Father: No? Was it her little moustache you objected to or her very large feet? Brideshead Revisited
  

The Oath

Sometimes after you visit a a place it sears itself into your brain. You pay attention to what happens in that particular place more than you did before. That often happens to me with books, too.

The book that seared Chechnya in my mind was The Oath: A Surgeon Under Fire. The title sounds a bit made-for-TV-movie like but the story is anything but. It's written by Khassan Baiev and is his story.

Baiev was formerly a cosmetic surgeon. He becomes a traveling doctor of sorts when the Russians enter Chechnya to fight Muslim separatists. Baiev took his Hippocratic oath very seriously so he treated whoever showed up whether it be a child caught in the cross fire or a Chechen separatist leader. His working conditions -- his home, bombed out hospitals, etc. -- were horrifying. That anyone survived is a miracle. Along the way he reminds you of what these now-decimated areas were like before they were destroyed by the Russian/Chechen conflict.

Being non-sectarian gets him in a lot of trouble. Both sides hate him. With the help of several human rights organizations he eventually flees with his family to the U.S., away from the from the fighters, but also those caught in the middle who need him so desperately. They are now without someone who, despite the danger to himself, takes his devotion to people first.

Post 1 of 30

I read about NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) on Moe's blog. Seemed liked a good challenge -- blog every day for 30 days. I'm usually up to a challenge as long as it doesn't involve physical or emotional pain, or perceived pain. I'm inherently lazy.

Today I have a question. Why are there so many movies and shows becoming musicals? Little House on the Prairie, Legally Blonde, Spamalot. I heard a story on NPR this morning about 9 to 5 the musical. I really don't get it. But at the risk of sounding like the kind of person who kicks kittens, I don't like most musicals.

There's trouble but also geek and/or crazy cred

From Toothpaste for Breakfast.


toothpastefordinner.com

Slackers Unite!

Michael Moore's new movie, Slacker Uprising, is coming out next week. You can download it for free on 23 Sept (only in the U.S. and Canada). Sign up here to get an e-mail when it's available for download. The trailer.



Michael Moore can be over the edge at times but we need people like him to poke hypocrites in the eye and roust things up in general. The beauty of free speech. (Most of the time I agree with him.)

Worth a try

This is the lazy way to post but I'm doing it anyway. From today's Dumb Dare calendar -- to brilliant not to share.

Preface every statement with "Apropos of nothing" and whenever a co-worker says something, tell them, "You're not wrong."

And time each person to see how long it takes for them to go red in the face and/or get a "I could strangle you with my bare hands" look on his/her face.

Tug-o-war

This captures the first time Sophie and Pele played tug-o-war. (Thanks to Lisa's gift from the puppy shower.) They sound so fierce when they're playing. They're all talk. So far.

Palin & Clinton

Saturday Night Live ran this sketch of a faux Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton press conference. It's priceless! Tina Fey, playing Palin, is dead on with the accent (she really does sound like she stepped out the movie Fargo). Amy Poehler brilliantly captures Clinton's underlying rage. The script is great, particularly the first part which includes:

Clinton: I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy.
Palin: I can see Russia from my house!

Friday treat

It's Friday and the sun is shining! Hooray! As if anyone needed more, it's the Conchords.

Wonderful words

Today's Wordsmith word of the day via EclectChick.

Glasgow kiss
noun: A headbutt: a strike with the head to someone's sensitive area (such as the nose).

Etymology:
This slang for headbutt is relatively recent. The OED shows this 1982 citation from the Daily Mirror as the first printed use of the term:

"Glasgow has its own way of welcoming people ... There is a broken bottle gripped in the fist of greeting. Or there's the Glasgow Kiss -- a sharp whack on the nose with the forehead."
The term arose from allusion to violence in part of the city. An earlier term is a Liverpool kiss.

Sleep -- Y or N?

At what point do you decide that it's so late that it's better to stay awake until it's time to go to work?

Best cell phone voice message ever

A colleague just called a guy about a story. His cell voicemail message. Best ever.

"Hi this is [name], I'm in the glove compartment. Please leave a message."

Books I don't want to read

Eeep! Eeep!

It's getting tough everywhere.

A sign of the economic times -- the "pastries" in our vending machine are now .95 cents. They should pay a person .95 cents to buy them and $9.50 to eat them.

Podcast addiction

I am addicted to podcasts. Like Google Reader, books and Thanksgiving dinner, my eyes are bigger than my stomach/hours in the day.

Ever since I can remember I've been hooked on learning things. Most people want to learn new things but for me it's a compulsion. (I don't think this makes me any better/worse, smarter/dumber than anyone else. It's just part of my geekiness.) It's like someone who hasn't eaten for a week heading crazily for the buffet table.

Three of my favorites:

• The Bugle -- Audio Newspaper for a Visual World (from Times Online). It's hilarious. The hosts review, and skewer, some of the news events from the week. They're snarky, smart and sometimes rude. The link to sharing your views on the shows says: "Send your partially informed opinions to The Bugle where Oliver and Zaltzman will respond to, rebuke, lampoon, plagiarise or ignore your comments as they see fit."

• News from Lake Wobegon (from Prairie Home Companion). Garrison Keillor's monologues on small-town life and human foibles. Usually hilarious and often poignant. This program is about the only thing that's ever shut up my whole family during dinner. Another plus -- if it's bluegrass night you can catch the monologue while avoiding the annoyance and anger that bluegrass induces.

• Animal Planet Audio Podcast, particularly Animal Miracles. (Don't be scared away by the narrator -- Alan Thick. The great stories cancel out his annoying voice.) The stories tell about animals' extraordinary relationships, knowledge and intuition. E.g.:

• A diabetic woman whose dog kept bugging her until she woke up enough to eat some sugar. She was slipping into unconsciousness because her blood sugar level was out of whack. The dog was not trained to do this. He saved her life.
  
• Prisoners who train rescue dogs to make them more adoptable. The dogs likely give the prisoners some of the first unconditional love they've ever experienced.

• This American Life. This show is one of the best on public radio. There's a theme each week and several essays or stories around it. The show can be poignant, touching and/or funny. The host, Ira Glass, is so crazy smart as are the contributors. Because it's now available as a podcast, I avoid the panicky feeling I used to get when I missed the radio broadcast.

Third Candidate for President

This video breaks the story that there will be a third candidate in the "War for the White House." According to one person interviewed, who plans to vote for Joad Cressbecker, "I'm voting for a man who I could imagine drowning a bag of cats." And according to a poll quoted in the report, voters say that McCain is not ornery enough.

From The Onion.


Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain

Funny smartman

Jon Stewart was on Larry King Live a few months back talking about the primary elections. He's tired of pundits saying:

"‘Is America ready for a woman or a Black president?' I can understand saying, 'Is America ready for a moron?'… Will people flee as if Godzilla is attacking the cities?"

It's about 1/2 through the video below.

He also said about superdelegates, "What are those? Delegates that got bit by a radioactive spider?"

And about that vacant Mitt Romney. "[Mitt Romney] Who by the way, is that guy a Pixar character? He looks like an alien pod had created him to be a president."

E-mail hell

I have a love-hate relationship with e-mail, particularly at work. These two have described it much better than I.

• You should delete so much of your e-mail. The default state of your inbox should probably not be keep sitting here until I stop weeping. Merlin Mann, Inbox Zero Talk at Google (video)
• E-mail is the biggest time suck in the modern workplace. Julie Morgenstern in Never Check E-mail in the Morning
  

Have a pet, & you'll understand

From the essay, "The Sacred Cow," in Augusten Burroughs' Possible Side Effects. Bentley and The Cow are his French Bulldogs. Dennis is his partner.

Sometimes, I sit here and watch The Cow. I watch Bentley. Dennis is in the other room or he is at the store or in the yard. And I sit alone with my sleeping small animals and I think, I couldn't have kids because it would kill me. These two, they nearly kill me. More precious to me than anything. Children would be worse. Intolerable, that love would be. Already is. Nearly.

I know how the feels.

World's bossiest airline

"My Airline," a snarky, clever essay by David Owen, is in response to the bazillion, death-by-papercut fees airlines now charge. The story appeared in the Shouts & Murmurs column of The New Yorker, July 7 & 14, 2008 edition. Full story here. A teaser:

My Airline
Luggage surcharges are old news at my airline. I’ve had them for years: for second bags that don’t contain golf clubs, for cardboard boxes held together with twine or duct tape, for long, rolled-up things that you bring into the cabin, and for any carry-on item that I have to help you stow or retrieve, or that you jam into the overhead compartment sideways, so that it crushes my sports coat, which I have folded using the time-tested inside-out method, or whose size forces me to place my briefcase in a compartment other than one directly over my row. The charge is fifty dollars, exact change only. From now on, I will also be charging fifty dollars for any piece of luggage on which you have written your name and address in gigantic letters.

Previously, at check-in, I have visually estimated your weight. From now on, you may be required to step onto the luggage scale. You must also certify, before boarding, that no part of your arm or torso will extend over your armrest and touch me or cause my arm or side to get hot at any time during the flight. If the test calipers at the boarding gate cannot be passed freely over your entire body, you will be required to purchase an additional ticket and to sit in the exact center of your two seats. Furthermore, you must keep your feet stowed directly in front of you at all times in such a way that your legs do not touch my legs or penetrate any part of the imaginary vertical plane separating your seating space from mine. Fifty dollars. More.

You've been warned

It's my last day of vacation [deep sigh]. I've been hanging around home doing house projects, reading, walking the dogs and generally doing whatever I feel like doing. It's been grand!

In honor of one more day of fun, this comic from XKCD (sounds like a fake name but it's not). I would so love this on a shirt.

Trivial psychic

Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic is a very amusing skit* from Saturday Night Live. It's Christopher Walken lampooning his future-seeing character in the creepy yet awesome "The Dead Zone." (This clip also includes the dearly departed Phil Hartman. He also does the voice over.)



*The video begins with an ad.

Things that make me laugh

When I hear something clever or funny or insulting I often write it down. I'm kind of an obsessive note taker and I can look at it later if I'm having an irritating day. Some recent:

• Oh war, it's just God's way of teaching Americans geography. The Daily Show
• It's a two-dork operation. (I can't remember where I heard this.)
  
• Glorious absence of sophistication. Definition of redneck by Jeff Foxworthy on the Late, Late Show
  
• Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse? Mayor Quimby on the Simpsons
• Everyone off, Loonyland City Centre. Vicar of Dibley
• 5000 pounds? You could get a person killed for that! Vicar of Dibley
• You self-important toss pot! The News Quiz (BBC)
• [I would like that] as much as I like stubbing my toe in a fire. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Don't give a toss. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Wasted DNA that is [insert name]. The News Quiz (BBC)

Obama to name running mate

Barack Obama is due to announce his running mate today. It's me.

I'd love to see the looks on their faces

In my community's magazine there are listings for all sorts of events and activities. Skate with Santa, strength training, golf training indoors, etc. This event caught my eye.

Touch-A-Truck
This is your chance to not only touch, but hop right in the driver's seat of a fire engine, police car, snow plow or dump truck! Come on out to the Community Center and check out all of the city trucks.

The announcement also says "all ages." I would so like to see some adults show up. The looks on the faces of the fire fighters, cops, etc. would be priceless.

Almost autumn, almost time for soup

A couple of years ago I was having dinner at the home of the Rigtenzins. We were about to eat something interesting that kids don't like. So the kids got hot dogs. As Rigtenzin poured the hot dog water off he suddenly stopped and said, "Oh! I should have saved that for soup!"

So disgusting. Yet so beautiful.

Pele!

Who's that sweet boy? Pele! He came to live with us about a month ago. He is the happiest dog I've ever met. His tail wags pretty much constantly.

Pele is a rescue. He was picked up by animal control and no one came to claim him. After five days, unclaimed dogs, and other animals, are euthanized. Rescued Pets Are Wonderful gets adoptable animals from animal control after the claiming period is up. They put them into foster homes and then try to find 'forever homes' for them (see Pele's pre-adoption photo below).

We think he's part Chihuahua and Jack Russell and about a year old. We are having some housebreaking and separation anxiety issues but it will all shake out. Sophie and Pele push each other's buttons, play fight and mad chase through the house. I don't that she'd admit it, but I think Sophie's glad, now, that he's here.

No thank you

Bonus post! A Dumb Dare from earlier this week:

Hang a sign-up sheet in the lunchroom inviting colleagues to a “Cuddle Party.”

Using EclectChick's coined phrase, the above makes me "all flavors of horrified."

Bad taste? Yes or no?

Think about "The Lives of Others" and you'll really get the shivers. What's next? A death squad pub in San Salvador? From Reuters.

Beer - and the secret police

Aug 4 - An East German pub opens in Berlin, where drinkers can enjoy a beer surrounded by memorabilia of the communist secret police, the "Stasi".

One man from former East Germany and one from the West have opened the pub on the street where the Stasi headquarters were once situated.

Hey, that's me!

I was at an art fair and saw this sign.

Overwhelmed and undermedicated

I think I'll make one. The version at the art fair wasn't very arty.

Bush Tours America

Made me laugh. And cry. From The Onion.


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

Quote of the day

From the fabulous writer, Isaac Bashevis Singer* who was born today in 1904:

Kindness, I've discovered, is everything in life.

Genau!

*Don't hold the movie, "Yentl" against him, please.

Shoes and plants

I found this while browsing through some photos. It's a little out of focus but I love it. I saw these shoes hanging on a building in Kandersteg, Switzerland.

Mitch Hedberg

The late Mitch Hedberg was hilarious. Listening to him makes me laugh so hard I snort.

I love the bit below. It includes his take on catch and release fishing. He says it's for people who "don't want to eat the fish but do want to make it late for something." And, "I find that ducks' opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf."



Here's another. Includes, "I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool. It was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above-ground pool."

Random: "If you are flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

Dumb Dare

I have a Dumb Dares for the Office flip-a-day calendar. It's a daily dose of lovely silliness. A couple of the the latest:

Circle a few personal ads in your local newspaper, indicating assorted preferences, and leave the page open on your desk all day.

Crawl around the outside of the building on all fours with a stick in your mouth.

On a completely unrelated note, "hell" is the German word for bright. (The English word "hell" is die Hoelle in German.)

A good book/a geek from way back

I'm re-reading The Charterhouse of Parma by Stendhal. (It's my pick for book club.) I read it first in high school after getting sucked into the mini series on Great Performances (PBS). In high school I was watching a lot of PBS. A geek to the core at an early age.

The main character in the book is Fabrizio del Dongo. (A fun name to say!) He's quite the naive guy who wants to go off and join Napoleon's army. Later he becomes a prelate in the Catholic church. Stendhal is quite clever and mouthy but you have to pay attention or you miss it.

From a review of the new translation in The New York Times (1999):

The quick pace of the narrative and the vividness of the characters are balanced throughout by a coolly sardonic assessment of human nature and, in particular, of politics. Stendhal ... found himself living at a time of almost unprecedented political cynicism in post-Restoration France; disgust with the bourgeois complacency of his countrymen played no little part in his admiration for the Italians, whom he considered to be more authentic -- more profound and more susceptible to violent emotions, as he wrote in his diary. More.

If you like this one, you'll surely like The Red and The Black, also by Stendhal (the red represents the military and the black represents the church).

Viva la Vida is fabelhaft (fabulous)!

I simply love Coldplay. They are masters of the big, energetic sound. A sound that makes you want to stretch your arms out and move. I love all the keyboards, too. (All those years of piano lessons left their imprint.)

The sound on their new CD, Viva la Vida, is a bit different than their last CD, X&Y. On this one you can hear more of Brian Eno's influence (he has produced several of U2's albums). Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love is a particularly lovely song. It starts with Coldplay's big sound and then segues to a very sweet, slower song.

The bands worldview shines through on several of the tracks, especially Violet Hill and Viva la Vida. A reviewer compared the sound on Violet Hill to Pink Floyd. I interpret Viva la Vida as a commentary on the fall of the American empire. The juxtaposition of a grand, energetic sound with the dark story is quite powerful. A bit of the lyrics:

When the future's architectured
By a carnival of idiots on show
You'd better lie low

and

Was a long and dark December
When the banks became cathedrals
And the fog
Became God

Viva la Vida:




The following is a video not produced by Coldplay. But with lines like those above, I don't think they'd quibble with it. Dancing, goofy-acting politicians inter cut with protests, soldiers with rocket launchers and torture.

Stupid git

In April, Congressional candidate Tony Zirkle (Indiana) agreed to speak at a gathering of the American National Socialist Workers' Party. His platform consists mainly of opposing pornography and prostitution. He's also in favor of bringing back the guillotine. The gathering was a birthday party for Adolf Hitler.

Zirkle claims that he didn't know that the group was pro-Nazi because they were called National Socialists, not Nazis. This despite the giant portrait of Hitler, everyone at the head table wearing swastikas and the Happy Birthday Hitler banner. The Indiana Republican party is distancing itself from Mr. Zirkle.

More.

Andre Jordan

Andre Jordan creates the best doodles. I love his stuff.

I'm posting these today not just because it's been a long week and my brain feels like mush. I also want to share a couple examples of his fabulousness. But I am tired and lazy, too.

I don't know why I think this is so funny but I do.
This needs no explanation.

Mental Floss is beautiful

I've talked about mental_floss here before. But as I just finished the latest edition (at right), I'm compelled to talk about it again. It's just packed with info and trivia that you wouldn't likely learn elsewhere without quite a bit of effort. Much of it you don't need for day-to-day life. But that's part of the fun.

If the magazine is a really good meal, then the Web site is the equivalent of a mile-long buffet. (A good one, not the Old Country Buffet.) For example, on the trivia page you will find the following treats:

• Daily Lunchtime Quiz (includes "Star Wars Reference or World War II Reference?")
• The Amazing Fact Generator (includes gems like "House flies younger than four days old don’t react to light and therefore won’t be attracted to your bug zapper.")
• What's the Difference (includes "Art Deco vs. Art Nouveau" -- always go with Art Nouveau if you ask me)
• Geography Challenge (with sound!)
  
• All the Great Lists (includes "7 of America's Quirkiest Food Festivals")
  
• Cocktail Party Cheat Sheets (a bit of background that will make you sound smart on a variety of topics including The Qur'an, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, Martini).
  
• 5 Questions (daily, five-question quizzes)

Not sure why I have this

I found this in my purse today. It must have come from my nieces' school on rollerskating day. I'm not sure why I, or one of the girls, put it in my purse.

Beware the rollerskates

Last week I went on a field trip with my niece Tori's 3rd-grade class. Rollerskating! I haven't been rollerskating since I was 13 or 14 years old. It was a hoot! It took me a bit to get used to the skates but then I did OK. Had a couple of falls -- see bruise on knee at right (about 2.5 inches or 6 cm). Until I figured out how to make turns I'd skate all the way down one side, skate into the wall, turn, skate to the next turn, repeat. It was all quite comical.

Tori and I had a great time. She is much braver than I am. She wore inline skates. I opted for the more stable, four-wheel option. She's also a great skater! She can almost do the splits while skating. I didn't try that. I would have deserved whatever injury I received at that point.

Money well spent?

There are reasons why Americans don't trust the government to spend money wisely. From the Colorado Springs Gazette via News of the Weird.

Gamblers' Shuttle Gets Terrorism Funds
Colorado Springs-based Ramblin Express, which shuttles gamblers to mountain-town casinos, including Cripple Creek, has received $382,000 in anti-terrorism grants.

The most recent grant, for $184,415, was announced this month as part of the Department of Homeland Security's $844 million Infrastructure Protection Activities program.

Ramblin Express' grant is among the $11.2 million allocated to the Intercity Bus Security Grant Program, which is intended to assess risks and prevent attacks on that part of the nation's transportation system. Rest of story.

Smart-mouth bunny

This is so mean. It makes me laugh out loud.

What now?

WPP Settles on Name for Dell Shop: Synarchy Worldwide
Finally Finds Moniker for 'Project DaVinci' but Still Needs CEO
By Rupal Parekh and Matthew Creamer

Published: May 14, 2008

NEW YORK (AdAge.com) -- The new WPP Group agency designed to handle Dell's marketing-services business is expected to be named Synarchy Worldwide, a reference to a utopian political system coined in the 18th century.

Synarchy looks a lot like snarky to me.

Oh the noise!

It's week two of the re-roofing here at work. After a hellishly loud day one (vacuuming rocks off the roof), the noise was quite bearable. Today there is a machine outside my window that is pumping tar onto the roof. It's loud and smelly.

Underpants for peace

This is the best nonviolent protest. Ever.

Going deaf

Our office building is getting a new roof. The equipment -- some kind of big semi-truck kind of thing -- is right outside my window. It is so loud. You can feel the vibration in your skull and rib cage.

I have my iPod cranked to drown out some of the noise. I will likely lose part of my hearing.

Another reason not to eat beef

Human Head Found In Hamburger


Also from The Onion, a cynical, yet frighteningly truthful, take on the 2008 elections.

Polish language progress

I'm getting a little used to the Polish pronunciations. They are quite different than what I know but the words are really fun to say. The spelling, however, freaks me out. In the same way math freaks me out. So far I have to practice the pronunciations without looking at the words or I freeze up.

A few things I've learned:

• Dzień dobry (good day; jane DOUGHB reh)
• Jak sie masz? (how are you; yaak sheh maash)
• Dziękuję (thank you; jane COO yeh)
• Proszę (please; PROH sha)
• Przepraszam (excuse me; sheh PRASH ahm)

You can listen to pronunciations of these and other basic phrases here.

Nice reading comprehension

I was in a store in the card aisle. Among the various types of cards, “birthdays” “graduation” etc., there is a section called “milestones.” When I first saw it I thought it said “mistresses.”

This and that

Randomness from today:

• Saw this sign: Sample "sock" sale


• Heard this in the audio of Master and Commander: "A ham that could only have come from a hog with a long-borne, crippling disease."


• My new wood blinds went up yesterday. They are lovely!


• Beginning Polish class starts tonight. Hooray!


• Bryan Ferry's CD of Bob Dylan covers, Dylanesque, is very good.


• The sun is out! The sun is out! The sun is out!
  

Made me laugh

I went on Comedy Central to find something. At the top of the page it said, "You are so not logged in." It made me laugh.

Not so springy

It is snowing outside. It's April 10 and it's snowing.

Musings on prophets

It's been a week of death remembrances. Last Friday, April 4, was the 40th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination. 63 years ago today Dietrich Bonhoeffer was executed. Both were 39 when they were murdered. Both pushed their fellow human beings, often their fellow Christians, to higher standards yet knew that they, too, were flawed.

It was messages like the below that got both into trouble. Bonhoeffer -- fighting for peace, human rights and the overthrow of Hitler; King -- fighting first for civil rights and then to eliminate poverty and end the Vietnam war. We love the prophets when they're speaking truth to others. When they speak truth to us we kill them.

Christianity stands or falls with its revolutionary protest against violence, arbitrariness and pride of power and with its plea for the weak. Christians are doing too little to make these points clear rather than too much. Christendom adjusts itself far too easily to the worship of power. Christians should give more offense, shock the world far more, than they are doing now. Christian should take a stronger stand in favor of the weak rather than considering first the possible right of the strong.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, from a sermon on II Cor. 12:9

Product recall

Do you have any pot pies at home? You need to listen to this.


Hungry FDA Official Orders Massive Pot Pie Recall

Coolicious!

Idealist is like candy! Designers post things like this dog bone phone . You can vote "yes" or "no." I want this phone. Mostly because the ad has a Sophie dog.

Via Technomarketer on Twitter.