Ad Awards: Safety instructions

Went to the British Television Advertising Awards last week. Lovely winners. But alas, no PG Tips Monkey. That was very disappointing. I did adore this one from Thomson Airways.

Start Seeing Motorcyclists

Very clever ad that drives home a point (no pun intended). True for bicyclists, too.

More than good prices: steepandcheap.com

I'm not usually in the market for things on the steepandcheap.com e-mails. But I still read them. Every day. The latest deal on climbing or camping equipment -- or whatever -- is accompanied by a clever commentary about something unrelated. Today's commentary:

I met a guy last weekend who talked a lot about martial arts. Wouldn't drop the topic. It started to weird me out a bit, but I smiled through it. He said that martial arts trains you to get in tune with your senses. During training, he'd close his eyes and hold his arm against his partner, and then the guy would ask him which leg he moved, and he'd know -- based on his senses. He argued that when you meet someone, you get an impression and know if you like them -- this is based on senses, we've just been trained to repress them. His martial arts was helping him tune them back in. The entire time I sat there nodding and thinking, "Man, what are you getting from me right now, because I think you're insane." Perhaps in time, his martial arts skills will tell him these things.

Not your stereotypical rock star

I love this Intel ad. Nerd rock star!

Nasty things courtesy of The Bugle

The Bugle is tied for first in my favorite podcasts list. (The other is the BBC News Quiz.) The hosts are well read, extremely clever and sometimes quite nasty. I love them.

I'm that kind of geek that writes down funny things I hear to share with others and perhaps use in day-to-day conversation. Three particularly nasties from recent shows: 

• [An event] sucked me into a hellmouth.
• Another base camp on the mountain of stupid.
• [Person's name] and reality have basically had a divorce.

And from another place:

• Supercollider of stupid Charlie Pierce on Only a Game
  
  

The ad awards are coming! The ad awards are coming!

The British Advertising Awards are at the Walker in December. Hooray! I gladly pay to watch advertising that's original and clever. My favorite from last year was for PG Tips. I've called my nieces and nephews 'monkey chums' ever since.

Make-me-laugh list, episode 2

Too many posts to include in the previous make-me-laugh list. I love, love clever insults. I don't often get a chance to use them, but they're still useful as exasperation letting-outers.

• Sagface charisma vacuum. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Git wizard. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Survival of the gittest. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Dumber than a sack of hammers. The News Quiz (BBC)
• The whip-crack smart gang of chimps that look after our government. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Worst thing invented by humans since mustard gas. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR)
• Too stupid to be elected. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR)
• [Insert word] is [insert language] for 'I think the medicine is wearing off.' The News Quiz (BBC)
• It's a loathe-hate relationship. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR)
• You can put your boots in the oven but that don't make 'em bread. Southern hickism related via Kelsey (a non hick)
• Niinyhammer. Samuel Johnson
• Eye of a tiger, mouth of a teamster. Homer Simpson describing Lisa's performance as a hockey goalie
• Charles Ryder's father: You liked Miss ____?
  Charles: No
  Father: No? Was it her little moustache you objected to or her very large feet? Brideshead Revisited
  

You've been warned

It's my last day of vacation [deep sigh]. I've been hanging around home doing house projects, reading, walking the dogs and generally doing whatever I feel like doing. It's been grand!

In honor of one more day of fun, this comic from XKCD (sounds like a fake name but it's not). I would so love this on a shirt.

Things that make me laugh

When I hear something clever or funny or insulting I often write it down. I'm kind of an obsessive note taker and I can look at it later if I'm having an irritating day. Some recent:

• Oh war, it's just God's way of teaching Americans geography. The Daily Show
• It's a two-dork operation. (I can't remember where I heard this.)
  
• Glorious absence of sophistication. Definition of redneck by Jeff Foxworthy on the Late, Late Show
  
• Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse? Mayor Quimby on the Simpsons
• Everyone off, Loonyland City Centre. Vicar of Dibley
• 5000 pounds? You could get a person killed for that! Vicar of Dibley
• You self-important toss pot! The News Quiz (BBC)
• [I would like that] as much as I like stubbing my toe in a fire. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Don't give a toss. The News Quiz (BBC)
• Wasted DNA that is [insert name]. The News Quiz (BBC)

Happy Birthday Mark Twain

In school I wasn't a big Mark Twain fan. I didn't really identify with naughty adolescent boys, Tom and Huck. I've since I've changed my mind. I really think the intro for school kids should be something that grabs their attention -- his sharp wit! (Maybe there is sharp wit in the Tom and Huck stories but I didn't get it at the time. Neither did my classmates.)

In the great book Letters of the Century, there is a complaint letter from Twain to New York Western Union. He describes the telegraph service in York Harbor, Maine "the worst in the world except that Boston." He is referring to a telegram that he received too late to act:

The head corpse [throughout the letter referred to as h.c.] in the New York Harbor office sent me that telegram altho (1) he knew it would reach me too late to be of any value; (2) also, that he was going to send it to me by his boy; (3) that the boy would not take the trolley and come the 2 miles in 12 minutes, but would walk; (4) that he would be two hours and a quarter on the road; (5) and that he would collect 25 cents for transportation, for a telegram which the h.c. knew to be worthless before he started it.

And later,

The boy brought the telegram. It was bald-headed with age, but still legible.

I loved his book, A Tramp Abroad, about his travels in Germany and Switzerland in the late 1800s. It's an interesting travelogue and hilarious. It contains the famous The Awful German Language which is quite hilarious but kind of painful to read.

Here, in celebration of his 171st birthday, are a few more lovely quotes.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.