Expunge that criminal record

Saw this ad and it made me laugh out loud. Well, more accurately, LQTM (laughing quietly to myself -- Demetri Martinism) Found the ad on Alltop -- a great news aggregator site by the way.

Makes me feel smart

I love stories about stupid criminals. It's Schadenfreude along with a bit of superiority. "No matter what, I'd never by that stupid."

From News of the Weird. You can get their daily e-mail which is delightful in a twisted way.

Your Daily Losers
If you're a couple carrying $2.5m worth of cocaine, you might stay on the highway itself rather than driving on the shoulder, and more important, you might anticipate what your cover story's going to be if you get stopped. Like, if you're visiting "cousins," are they the husband's cousins or the wife's? If they're yours, why don't you know their names? When did you last see them (5 yrs ago, or last month)? Thus, Jose and Virginia Melendez and their 21-yr-old daughter are in lockup. Omaha World-Herald

Guess who's going to jail?

Vice President Cheney's former chief of staff, Lewis 'Scooter' Libby, was found guilty today on four of five counts in the case of 'Who leaked the CIA agent's name.'

Prior to the U.S. invasion, Ambassador to Iraq, Joseph Wilson, contradicted Bush's assertion that Iraq had tried to buy nuclear material from Niger. A week later his wife, a CIA agent, was outed. It is a crime to reveal the name of a CIA operative.

Scooter 'took one for the team' to protect Vice President Cheney and Karl Rove. This administration is rotten to the core. From the BBC:

White House official Libby guilty

A former key White House official, Lewis Libby, has been found guilty of obstruction of justice and perjury.

Libby, ex-chief of staff to Vice-President Dick Cheney, faces a prison term of up to 25 years. He will be sentenced in June.

He was accused of lying to the FBI and a grand jury over revelations about CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity.

Libby's lawyer said they were "very disappointed" at the verdict, and would ask for a new trial, or would appeal.

Libby, who goes by the nickname "Scooter", was found guilty on four out of five counts. He was acquitted on one count of lying to the FBI.

Who's happier?

From Reuters:

SEOUL (Reuters) - South Korean gangsters get more satisfaction from their line of work than the police, according to a survey published on Tuesday in local dailies.

According to the survey conducted among 109 jailed mobsters by the Korean Institute of Criminal Justice, 79.3 percent of gangsters said they were somewhat or very satisfied with their life in organized crime.

They were satisfied with their life behind bars? Or, was this a look back at at their pre-prison lives?

Were these the dumb criminals or the smart ones?

Some people deserve jail time

A Waukesha couple fought off a woman who entered their home in the middle of the night brandishing a metal pooper scooper and scissors, police Capt. Mike Babe said today.

The couple woke up about 4:40 a.m. Sunday when their small dog was barking in the kitchen. The female homeowner found the stranger in her kitchen, swinging the pooper scooper, threatening to kill them and kicking the dog, Babe said.

The female homeowner screamed and her husband then came into the kitchen.
The stranger struck the man in the head with the pooper scooper. He knocked it out of her hand and then noticed she had scissors.

The man struggled with the woman while his wife called police.

It took five police officers to subdue the 5-foot, 105-pound woman who was screaming threats that she was going to kill someone, Babe said.

Officers also repeatedly used a Taser on the woman, but it didn't stop her. Officers finally had to put their weight on the woman to take her into custody.

The couple said they did not know the Milwaukee woman, 47, who is expected to be charged in Waukesha County Circuit Court today, police said.

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel via Reduce Idiocy.

How do you get your alias name?

On the news this morning, there was a story about a guy who burgled a bunch of stuff and now is helping the police recover what he stole. But that wasn't what got my attention. That or the fact that he'd been convited of 10 theft-related crimes since 1986. What caught my attention was this, "Wade Duane Arvidson, also known as Michael Damron." How did he pick that name as his alias? Was Michael some kid he didn't like in the second grade? Did he pick the name out of the air? Was he hoping to get the real Michael Damron, assuming there is one, in trouble?

Little things like this often control an inordinate amount of my gray matter.